The New York Diet: How to Look Great and Feel Like Sh*t.

1. Move to New York City in the middle of the worst snow storm ever recorded, without the proper footwear.

2. Bring really heavy suitcase, an over stuffed back pack and a 25 pound typewriter.

3. Don’t bring a map, simply scribble addresses down on ripped slips of paper and “go with your gut.”

4. Be really, really broke… all the time.

5. Always order the cheapest thing on the menu (usually results in aforementioned house “salad”).

6. Do laundry once a week (requires heaving a 50 pound bag of dirty clothes down and around the block, then back again.)

7. Always choose cocktails instead of dinner – also known as the liquid diet (Tip: dirty martinis come with free olives).

8. Homemade popcorn: cheap, salty, lots of fiber.

9. Go the whole day eating popcorn and peanuts then get happy-hour drunk and shovel piping hot $2 pizza slices down your throat and walk home because you spent your subway money.

10. Coupons + $10 @ discount grocery store = dinner for a week (buy lots of canned items: your “pantry” a.k.a. shelf will look like an earthquake kit (see next week’s post))

11. Live on the 6th floor of a walk up building.

12. Frequent the by-donation Hot Yoga classes @ Yoga to the People in NYC… you know… to clear your mind and your appetite.

13. CHEAP ETHNIC FOOD (guaranteed to buy you at least 40 hours of not drinking, and not eating).

14. Ride really crowded subway trains so you have to stand all the time.

15. Laugh, a lot, at everything, to yourself. You’ll have a washboard by June.

Advertisements