the moon and back.

Ok, so there is this thing that people are up to these days and it makes me want to peel off my own skin and swing it around my head.

“Happy Birthday to my most loving, wonderful, caring, joyus, crazy bitch of a best friend – I love you to the moon and back! xoxoxox (smiley, kissey, winky, thumbs up, sparkles, hearts hearts hearts….)”

“RIP to the most amazing grandma that ever lived – love you to the moon and back! (black heart, black heart, black heart)

“Had a great visit with my aunt Martha in Scottsdale! Love you to the moon and back (hearts sparkles hearts)!”

” Couldn’t live without this nerdy crew – love you all to the moon and back! (tounge sticky outy face)”

“My nephew is the cutest two year old that ever lived – love you to the moon and back!(hearts hearts hearts for eyes)”

Everyone needs to quit it with this saying. Is it cool cuz it’s old fashioned sounding?  I’m not sure where is started, but I would like to end it. There is no way to measure how much you love someone. Don’t make me feel like an asshole because I sat there for 15 minutes trying to think of something besides “Happy Birthday” to post on my friend’s facebook.

This is specifically a social media phenomenon, no one actually says “I love you to the moon and back” in real life unless they are talking to a 5 year old.

We all love our friends and our families. We all understand that sometimes saying “I love you” just doesn’t feel like enough. We have a cumpulsion to measure it, to prove it, to out-love one another.

I  love my husband to the 7-11 and back.That’s way more accurate than any of this celestial jibber-jabber. I know that I just ate the last bite of ice-cream while standing over the sink at 10:30 pm. I love him so much that I will get in the freezing cold car, and drive my ass to the closest place that sells Snoqualmie Ice-Cream’s Mukelteo Mudd chocolate because after cooking me and my friends dinner and putting the baby to sleep he deserves his favorite ice-cream. Because I love him that much.

I love him so much that I don’t even get mad when he is hungover and useless on a Sunday.That guy works his ass off and so do I, and we take care of each other. Fuck the moon man. That is just a meaningless metaphor. I love my dude to Walgreens and back for an Orange Gatorade.

If any of my friends called me from jail I’d go pick their asses up and bring them to McDonalds on the way home. I love my friends to jail and back. That’s the real shit. That’s real love. None of these literary hand-jobs… I don’t want the moon Jimmy Stewart, just lasso me a bottle of Advil and the not-yet-realesed-in-America season of Downtown Abbey and I’m yours.

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